And now for something completely different…I am too angsty even to post all the angsty shit I actually write here. So!

Here is an amusing, possibly too-inspired-by-the-Bloggess’-style-yet-100%-transcribed-verbatim conversation I had with my Marxist Housemate on Friday:

I pulled an onion out of the drawer in the fucking refrigerator and freaked out because it was filled with small holes that went all the way through to the other side, like some fucked up children’s toy that also smelled like an onion.

I said, and this is an exact quote: “[Marxist Housemate], did you – no. There’s no way even YOU did this.”
[Marxist Housemate]: WAIT!
Me: Fuckshit, I think we have RATS. in our REFRIGERATOR. And they have TOOLS. WE ARE SO FUCKED. GOOD JOB CATS. GOOD FUCKING JOB KEEPING VERMIN WITH TOOLS AWAY.
[Marxist Housemate]: No, wait, sorry, I was trying to smoke [redacted] out of that onion.
Me: …
(I am rarely rendered speechless. but I was just then)
[Marxist Housemate]: It was disgusting. it burned.
Me: Wasn’t that sort of the point? What made you think this was a good idea? Also, why did you return it to the refrigerator after you had smoked out of it?!
[Marxist Housemate]: (shrug) I’ll buy you another onion.

(He hasn’t bought me a new onion yet)